Toxic Emotions Take Their Toll In Life and At Work
I love racing bicycles. I love riding motorcycles. If it's got wheels and can go fast, chances are I'll love it. So on Wednesday morning of this week, I was out on my road bike (bicycle) for a fast 25 mile training ride. Doing so has been part of my life for over 20 years and on this particular day, the morning air in Scottsdale, Arizona was a refreshing 80 degrees. To see the sun rise and pedal one of my favorite rides was to be the beginning of a spectacular day.
But it was not to last. For the first time in my life, I was hit by a moving car while on my bicycle. The impact came unexpectedly from the rear left side. While I managed to avoid crashing, I was able to walk away with only a few scrapes and bruises. The worst part is I know in my heart that the driver hit me on purpose. The three witnesses saw the accident unfold and based on the wide open road, and the anger of the driver, there is no question in my mind that there was clear intent. Unfortunately, the Scottsdale police officer at the scene, once they found the driver who fled the scene, didn't see fit to issue a citation. Another blow to my emotions.
So why am I sharing this? Because ever since the moment of impact I have relived the scene a hundred times over. I wake up in the middle of the night, angry as heck realizing how stupid the whole thing was. With no provocation, a driver can veer into a moving cyclist and make impact. I have been unable to let go of the insanity of the whole thing. And guess what? I am exhausted. Drained. And it's all because of the toxic emotions I harbor.
So here goes. I forgive the man. I pray that he will seek help for whatever is bothering him in his life to motivate him to do such a thing. I'm over it. Done. Now that I've shared this with the Universe, let me tell you why.
The toxic emotions I harbored (they are gone now) were draining my energy and distracting me from what's most important to me in life. Enjoying my health, building on my faith and spirit, loving my family, and growing my business are what matters most to me. So why let the toxicity take its toll? No reason at all other than I've been letting it. And we all do the same thing, perhaps not even realizing it.
In one of my favorite books, Power Vs. Force by David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D., he talks about the scientific calibration of energy. It is a scientific fact that all matter is made of the same energy. The minds behind this science have determined this to be true of people, plants, and coffee tables. It all boils down to the same energy. And this energy can be measured. Hawkins has a calibration scale. At the low end of the energy scale lives shame. Here's the rest of the scale all the way to the highest levels of consciousness. Guilt, apathy, grief, desire, anger, pride, neutrality, willingness, acceptance, reason, love, joy, peace, and enlightenment. Amazing knowledge.
If you don't buy this line of thinking, read Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman. Dan states clearly in his book that hostility, anger, rage and resentment have proven to do more damage to the human heart than smoking. These emotions are so toxic they actually kill people! And if they’re in your heart, they are with you at work as much as they are in your life.
So are emotions really toxic? You bet they are. Don't take my word for it. Read the books I've mentioned. Google it. Do something if these emotions are in your heart. Take a few moments right now to reflect on this. Create your own list and assess yourself against the emotions listed above. Forgive. Live. Be happy. Get professional help if you need it. Just don't let toxic emotions get in your way.
As always, warm regards.
Cliff Jones
Comments
Something to consider is that (ontologically speaking) our emotions are tied to our physiology and our language. All three are like gears in that by effecting one we can have an effect on the other two. This is powerful for people who want to shift their emotions when they get in the way.
When I work with clients who have challenges with their emotions I work with their language or body language.
For example, by using the speech act of "Declaration" a person can take a potential rotten day and simply declare "I choose to be happy today." For some this is enough to shift their emotions. Sometimes they need to sit up straight and "act" happy until their emotions shift but eventually they will. Others may need to listen to music (which is the same as changing our language -internal language).
Another great book in my library that has a powerful business focus is "Toxic Emotions At Work" by: Peter Frost (Harvard Business School Press).
Cheers,
George
Being a former cyclist and hit by a driver looking another way and striking me, I literally can "feel your pain". There is nothing more infuriating than a selfish driver...one who cares about themselves and no regard for everyone else. Obviously, proven by the driver’s intent, this person has serious demons. As I read through the posting 2 things came to mind, “boy, I would hate to be him (the driver)…how bad must his life be” and, “your opinion of me is none of my business”. In other words, releasing your anger empowered you and prevented you from being sucked into the driver’s distress. Misery loves company and your strength to de-couple from the anger made you stronger and feeling good about yourself. I’m glad you were not hurt.
Sean
.What do you appreciate about your family?
.What is great about your work?
.What do you like about the place where you live?
.What do you value in your friends?
.What do you like about yourself?
.What would you miss if it were taken away from you?
Gratitude is a quality that grows when you use it. Although sometimes it take a wake up call of sorts to refresh our awarness. I have also had toxic emotions but try to stay present to the fact that so many people have meant something positive in my life and also to thank them before it's to late.
Live for today!
Rob Naylor
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